Heard “Not tonight, honey” a few too many times
lately? If it’s just not happening between the sheets
for you and your lady, it might be time to learn what
really gets her psyched for s ex. While guys are
generally up for s ex whenever, wherever
(regardless of the situation), women tend to need a
bit more inspiration, according to Cindy M. Meston,
Ph.D. and David M. Buss, Ph.D., psychology
professors at the University of Texas at Austin and
coauthors of Why Women Have s ex: Understanding
s exual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge
(and Everything in Between). For a better
understanding of how to get her in the mood,
consider the following eight factors that Meston and
Buss say affects a woman’s lib ido:
1. Her man’s appearance
Men are usually considered to be the most turned
on by visual stimuli (think about it: how many strip
clubs and adult magazines are actually targeted
toward females?), but women are actually quite
turned on by a man’s face, bo dy and movement as
well, say Meston and Buss. “s exually, women are
attracted to men with masculine features, although
not too masculine,” Meston explains. “A little light
stubble is usually a turn-on for women if it’s clean
and well-kept. bo dy-wise, women generally find
men with a V-shaped torso or a high shoulder-to-
hip ratio s exually attractive. Motion is important,
too, as women find athletic prowess and agility to
be s exual turn-ons.” The bottom line: If you’d like
to get her in the sack, a good first step to take
might be getting yourself into the gym.
2. The time of day
Meston says that women are very individualized in
terms of when they most prefer to get it on: “In
general, women want to have s ex when they feel
their best — when they have energy, feel connected
to their partners, aren’t distracted by work or
stressful daily events, and when they feel s exy —
and that may or may not be at night.” In order to
figure out when a woman’s most likely to be in the
mood, pay attention to the times she seems the
most energized and/or chilled out. Try thinking
outside the box — you may find that she’d love a
post-jog quickie right before her shower!
3. Certain smells
Meston and Buss explain that, for women, sense of
smell is far more important than it is to men when it
comes to s exual attraction. Simply put: if a woman
doesn’t like the way a man smells, it’s often a deal-
breaker — whether she consciously realizes it or
not. The number one turn-off reported by most
women is — not surprisingly — bad breath, says
Buss. A woman’s sense of smell also plays an
interesting biological role in what attracts her to a
man, according to Meston: “Olfactory signals
provide a woman with a wealth of information about
a man’s health, hygiene, and even his genetic
makeup,” she notes. Pheromones — tiny airborne
molecules that humans emit from various glands in
their bo dy — can influence a woman’s desire to be
s exually intimate with a man. Male pheromones
have been shown to provide information on a man’s
symmetry, which is an indicator of genetic fitness
and ultimately can determine whether a man is
genetically compatible with a woman. “For many
women — whether they realize it or not — scent can
play an important role in determining her willingness
to have s ex with a man, given her ‘sense’ of
whether they can produce genetically healthy,
strong children together,” says Buss.
4. Her guy’s choice of words
Often, what a man says is more important than
what he does when he’s trying to get a woman in
the mood. “Offering compliments is usually a sure-
fire way of making someone want to get closer…
although, if the compliments come across as
insincere, they will actually turn her off,” says
Meston.
To score extra sincerity points, make references to
future activities you’d like to do together, explains
Meston, noting that showing signs of commitment
can often be s exually alluring to women. Buss also
notes that a man with a sense of humor is also a s
exual turn-on for the ladies: “If a man can make a
woman laugh, it relaxes her and makes her feel
that he ‘gets’ her,” he says, adding that a good
sense of humor also conveys some key qualities
women want in a mate: intelligence (it’s hard to be
witty if you’re not too bright), the ability to gauge her
emotional and social perspective (a.k.a. having the
mind-reading skills to know what she will find
amusing), and social verve or confidence.
5. The need for revenge
In their research, Meston and Buss found that many
women had “revenge s ex” with someone other
than their most recent dating partner to get back at
a cheating partner or to “even the score,” as some
women put it. “Some women hoped their ex would
find out about it and feel angry or hurt, and other
women said they didn’t care if they found out or not
— they felt better just knowing they had gotten
revenge,” Meston explains. Why is the need for
revenge such a turn-on for women? “Revenge can
serve two basic functions,” Buss explains. The first
function is one of deterrence: just as bullies stop
picking on victims who retaliate, cheating partners
sometimes stop their illicit activities when the other
person retaliates in kind. The second function of
revenge is “reputation management,” says Buss.
“Women who are scorned sometimes suffer
damage to their social reputation, whether they are
cheated on or dumped. Having s ex — especially if it
is with someone who is relatively high in ‘mate
value’ — can sometimes help to restore a woman’s
reputation,” he explains.
6. Genetics
Women prefer men whose MHC genes (or Major
HistoCompatibility genes) are dissimilar to their
own, because this is the set of genes involved in
determining an individual’s immune function.
“Having children with men who are dissimilar
produces children with healthier immune systems,”
Buss explains. “Astonishingly, women seem to be
able to pick this up through sense of smell,
especially at ovula tion, if they are not on hormonal
contraceptives.
7. Her physical health or well-being
If you’re looking for a few good reasons why she
should have s ex with you, there are countless
ways in which you can emphasize that “getting
busy” would be a wise move for her health. “During
orgasm, opiates — the bo dy’s natural painkillers —
are released, which can help decrease all sorts of
aches and pains for women,” Meston explains. s ex
can also help maintain the bo dy’s flexibility and
cardiovascular health, decrease anxiety, and
enhance overall mood. Additionally, Meston notes,
having s ex during menstruation decreases a
woman’s risk of experiencing endometriosis
symptoms. Of course, s ex (if it lasts long enough!)
can also be a good calorie burner, so you can
always suggest it as a fantastic way to burn off the
chocolate cheesecake you shared for dessert.
8. To raise her social status or sense of self-
esteem
In their research, Meston and Buss found that, for
some women, having s ex is more about
competition and winning (see who went home with
the good-looking guy at the bar?). For women that
do this to compete with others and also raise their
social standing, her intended target’s social status
is a key factor in revving her lib ido. “Young women
who are ‘grou pies,’ for example, often compete to
see who can have s ex with the musician who has
a higher status, while Monica Lewinsky raised her
status by having an intimate connection with the
President,” Buss says. She goes on to explain that,
for women who have s ex to raise their self-
esteem, the motivating factor is usually the need to
feel s exually desirable. “Some women suffer from
low self-esteem and feel bad about their bo dies for
a variety of reasons, ranging from comparisons
with media models to put-downs by their regular
mates,” explains Buss. Having s ex with a man who
finds her irresistibly hot and her bo dy incredibly
beautiful can provide a huge boost to a woman’s
self-esteem — so if you’re looking for a little loving,
make her feel like she’s the s exiest woman on the
planet!
